Friday, December 10, 2010

Deep Peace/Quiet Earth

Last week we buried my 
niece's thirty one year old husband. 
Today, I watch the last of the leaves 
clinging to the oak tree, one 
sails off, gliding this way and that, 
on the slow descent to the quiet, 
frozen earth. 

I've been avoiding this post, 
wondering if I would share, 
but knowing I wanted to - 
to tell you why I haven't responded to all 
your wonderful comments on the last post. 
For I, too, am hanging on a tiny thread, 
like the faded oak leaf, 
seeing the dark, 
still earth beneath my feet. 

Spiral stone drawings.
A praying angel. 
Dark trunks 
and rhythmic branches. 

A setting sun.

At the cemetery I sang the 
ancient Celtic Deep Peace prayer
I was trembling, 
again the oak leaf, 
 holding by a thread 
to a moment.
But it was 
to sing 
Deep Peace 
of the Quiet Earth to you, 
over and over and over. 

I've been thinking, 
that if trauma doesn't crack you up,
it cracks you open.
As I sit in heart-wrenching witness of 
my beloved niece, 
I feel how deeply I love, 
and gratitude washes over me, 
in finding this sacred gift, 
and in feeling  
the peace of the 
quiet earth 
holding me. 


A mermaid in the attic said...

I have been there, I have felt this, I understand. My thoughts are with you. Take care.

Gwen Buchanan said...

peace and love be with you..

summertime dreams said...

So sad. Warm, peaceful vibes heading in your direction.

stregata said...

I wish I could reach out and give you a real hug. There is no easy way through grief.
Wishing you strength for yourself and your niece and much love.

(Karen) Lisa Daley said...

My heartfelt sympathy, may you and your niece be wrapped in comfort and peace in the coming days. Hugs, Lisa

Sweetpea said...

A lovely post, Valerianna, written during a heart's rending time, good that you wrote. Perhaps that thread is a silk thread...strong, pliable, flexible, beautiful.

renilde said...

There is a time in our lives we have to make that journey, a journey through pain and grief. It's a difficult one but we have to make it.
May there be comfort in the love and beauty that surrounds you and your niece along the way.
Take good care, x.

Penny Berens said...

Even wrapped in grief your writings inspire.
My heart aches for your niece.
Hold each other close.
Too young, way too young.

ArtPropelled said...

A few days ago I was hosing down one of the outside walls of the house where spider webs were joining bush to window sill. No matter how hard I sprayed with the garden hose some very tough threads just wouldn't break. I imagine that you are holding on by one of these very tough threads. Thinking of you at this time, Valerianna.

Valerianna said...

Thanks, everyone, for your heartfelt comments.

This morning a light dusting of snow and soft, yellow winter light greets me, I feel lighter. I am grateful for that thread holding me, and the images that have woven their way into your comments because of it: the strong, silk thread, the spider webs.... thanks for hugs and peace blessings and all the ways you inspire with your creativity. I feel comforted across the miles, really!

Umā said...

I'm so sorry to read this Valerianna, I've been a little behind in my blog reading this week. "If trauma doesn't crack you up, it cracks you open." That is so precisely true. Hugs and healing wishes for you and your family this season.

mairedodd said...

thank you for sharing your incredible palpable feelings... 'trauma cracks you open.' wide open... so very true... it is when we feel the deepest...
my heart goes out to you both...

Reading Tea Leaves said...

I'm so saddened to read of your family's loss Valerianna - it is so very tragic when someone young and vibrant leaves this world. Your heartfelt words have touched me. May your peaceful surroundings comfort and strengthen you.

Take care,

Windsongs and Wordhoards said...

Valerianna, what can I possibly say... I am 32, my husband 34, unthinkable... just unthinkable... so sorry. I respect the deep strength you find from within and do hope your niece can find that same strength.
Take care...

Karen said...

Tragic..So sorry Valerianna.
May you find peace in the forest and a single sunbeam x

Jo Potter said...

Dear Valerianna,
I am so sorry to hear your sad news. This time of year is a sad time for me as well.
My partners mother past away last week. I will also be looking to nature, to find some peace of mind.
Much love to you and thank you for sharing your gentle thoughts and feelings.
Jo x

Lauren Raine said...

Beautifully said, beautifully envisioned; the spiral in the white field reminds me of the spiral of life waiting to return under the snow. I am so sorry for the tragedy in your life. May the immanent return of the light bring healing.

Caterina Giglio said...

oh my dear, it is my experience of the pain of death and what is worse, being a witness to the pain of death, that when one is cracked open the light can now come in. I send you love and knowing that healing does return... until then, you will both be in my thoughts, of love and light. xo

Unknown said...

V - i am praying for you and your family.

mycuriousteaparty said...


Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Christina Rosetti

My thoughts are with you and your niece.

grace Forrest~Maestas said...


Sarah said...

I am so sorry to read about your niece's husband Valerianna. I send my heartfelt sympathy.

Tammie Lee said...

i hold you and yours in my heart

Jasmine said...

Such sad news. Sending healing thoughts to you and your niece xJ